How to Make Baseball Cool
I have a confession to make. I like baseball. I am lying. I LOVE baseball. I love it more than basketball. (Yeah I know that goes against my “blackness”) Football is my absolute favorite (of course it is) but baseball is comfortably in second. It was the first sport I was introduced to. I still remember my mama teaching me how to field ground balls. I remember the excitement that I would have as a kid when we got tickets to go see an Astros game. My brother and I would go outside and play catch and imaginary baseball situational games for hours on end. Baseball was…dare I say…cool. Recently I posted on Facebook my displeasure about my team, the Houston Astros, losing a game and I was ragged on my many of my followers. “What is this white guy sport you speak of?” is what one of the comments said. I responded, “there are plenty of black players in baseball…they just don’t speak English.” I know he knows that. Hell baseball ain’t hockey (even though they are a couple of playing that now too). But even though I love baseball, I know what he is saying. Baseball has a “cool” problem. It just isn’t cool right now. Football and Basketball are all exciting. They are like hip hop. Baseball is like the banjo. Nothing cool about a banjo. And in recent months baseball execs have finally wisened up and admitted they need to inject some energy into the sport. Because I love it some much, I have some ideas for them that would definitely spice it up some.
Home runs need to be worth more than just 1 run. Basketball has the 3 pointer. Football has the 2 point conversion, you know, something to help you tie in game in a clutch situation. Baseball needs that. The home run is the most exciting thing about baseball. And why hit the ball to the next zip code only for it to be worth ONE measly run? You would get a lot more flare and cheers if your team were down 2 and you smashed a home run (that’s worth 3 runs) to put you all up 1.
And speaking of Home Runs…
Embrace P(erformance) E(nhancing) D(rug)s. Baseball has been battling with PED’s for the last 20-30 years. Hell just recently the 2015 National League batting champion Dee Gordon (who happens to be a black dude…just saying) was just recently suspended for 80 games because of a positive test. But I say, rather than battling it, embrace it. They are called performance enhancing drugs for a reason. THEY ENHANCE PERFORMANCE. And that’s why we are there, to see enhanced performances. So I wanna see some 150 mph fastballs and home runs hit to the nearest bus station. Who cares if it ain’t human, it’s baseball, and we like that shit. Plus, trying to fight it only makes people want to do it more. Look at Donald Trump…So don’t fight it baseball.
Change some of the names and uniforms of the teams. This one is probably gonna be the toughest sell because you have the iconic uniforms of teams such as the Yankees and Red Sox but you have to. And that’s another thing? WTF is a Yankee? I know that was probably a cool name when you playing against, let’s say, the South Carolina Confederates or something, but come on. Some of these teams need tougher names. Scarier names. Like is basketball you have the Warriors. The Thunder. Everybody has been scared of thunder before. Who the hell is scared of Red Sox? And if that’s not bad enough, they named a team after White Sox! Who was in charge of naming baseball teams and why did they name them after laundry? I am sure we dig back far enough, we will find a team called the Pittsburgh Draws or something…Watch.
Shorten Games. Baseball games are like church…long and boring with an organ playing. Shorten those games up, by say, 3 innings, and I promise more people would watch.
Colorful Cleats. Embrace the shoe movement. Sneaker culture is HUGE. Billion Dollar industry huge. And colorful shoes are all the rage in other sports. Let your players rock em. Also shoe companies need to promote the stars of baseball more with exclusive shoe lines. Could you imagine rocking some Bryce Harper’s? Don’t know who that is? Ok what about rocking some Mike Trout’s? Still don’t know? See what I mean?
Play More Drake…and Future…You start playing more Drake and Future and baseball will cool as shit by tomorrow. Nuff said. The only people who don’t like Drake and Future are Meek Mill and Ciara. Metro Boom…
Let THOTS know that there are guaranteed contracts in baseball. In football, a contract means nothing. Owners can come in at any time and throw it in the trash and cut you and you won’t get paid NOTHING. And THOTS love football players because it is seen as a come up. But baseball has the highest average salary per player AND they have guaranteed contracts, which means that when they sign their name, they will get everything that contract says. Hell, Bobby Bonilla will continue to get paid by the Mets until the mid 2020’s and he hasn’t played baseball since 2001. Yeah THOTS. There’s money in baseball. And the players don’t have to get brain damage to get it.
SEXY CHEERLEADERS. Between innings, teams need sexy cheerleaders to come out like they do during timeouts in basketball. Could you imagine dancers in Miami in July at a baseball game? I’d be there.
There you have it. Do this and Baseball will be cool. The answer is simple. Drake, Sneakers, and THOTS are the key to a cool future. If not, it will get left behind. Soccer is on the come up. Just saying…
